


Opening Up to You

by daysinrussiavictuuri



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Viktor gives him a massage, Yuuri starts to open up, talking about anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-10
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-10-02 04:40:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10209809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daysinrussiavictuuri/pseuds/daysinrussiavictuuri
Summary: “What should I do to help?”Viktor looked at Yuuri with genuine concern.





	

“What should I do to help?”

Viktor looked at Yuuri with genuine concern. 

They were standing alone together in Yuuri’s room. They had finished up another day’s of practice with a bit of progress, but Yuuri still felt frustrated and worried about his skating and Viktor coaching him. 

At first, Yuuri thought Viktor was referring to his coaching methods. But then he could see in the look of Viktor’s eyes that it was much more than that.

Words tangled up and got stuck deep down in his throat. 

Anxiety was never that easy to figure out.

There wasn’t a perfect online guide or answer to everything that could be found through a search engine. He couldn’t just look up the definition of the problem out of a dictionary and find the solution written right there in black and white characters.

Yuuri swallowed. “I-I don’t know,” he let out in a small voice. He shrugs, “It’s just anxiety…”

Yuuri always tells Viktor that and nothing more. It was a simple response with a much deeper problem. 

Yuuri never wanted to drag Viktor down with him through the endless spiral he falls in, yet he wished there was some way for Viktor to reach out to him and pull him back up. But Viktor was never good at dealing with people’s emotions. Especially when they broke down crying in front of him.

Viktor combs a hand through his left bangs while staring at the floor. They both are silent for a moment. Yuuri could feel his heartbeat nervously against his chest. Then Viktor stepped forward and placed his hands on Yuuri’s shoulders with a firm but not too tight grip.

“It’s okay. You can tell me when you feel comfortable enough to. I just want to know what I can do for you right now?”

Stay. 

The word echoed in Yuuri’s mind, but his voice could never carry it out loud past his lips. It was always weighed down at the bottom like a rock. Yuuri never had the confidence or guts to bring it up to the surface. His thoughts always felt like a heavy burden and Yuuri was tied down with them.

Yuuri felt pretty selfish. The more he wanted to hold onto Viktor, the more he felt like he was dragging Viktor down from a place where Viktor belonged, but Yuuri could never be.

The world that Viktor belonged in seemed so much brighter to Yuuri’s like rays of gold, whereas Yuuri’s world was a dull gray full of an anxious mess.

“Mm, a massage would be nice,” Yuuri tells him instead. It wasn’t exactly lying. Yuuri really could use a good massage after today’s training. But it wasn’t the most honest answer he felt either.

“Okay, go lie down on the bed,” Viktor instructs him. “Do you want to take your shirt off?”

Yuuri blushes a little but nods. He slips off his shirt and takes deep breaths as he lies down on the mattress, trying to not think too hard about his appearance in front of Viktor.

Normally Viktor would be quick to compliment him on his figure even though Yuuri is quite conscious about his weight. Tonight was probably not a good time to, so he appreciated it when Viktor kept silent as he started to move his hands across Yuuri’s back. 

Viktor’s hands made its way down Yuuri’s spine and Yuuri shivered a little even though it wasn’t cold. Viktor’s touches always felt so warm to Yuuri.

Anxiety still battled in his mind like crashing waves. Yuuri tried not to think of anything right now, but the thoughts were so loud Yuuri almost had to plug his own ears not to hear them. Every time anxiety slipped a little self-doubt or worry in his mind, his body always tenses.

Viktor noticed right away as he leaned in closer to Yuuri.

“Shh, try to relax Yuuri. Take deep breaths,” Viktor told him as Yuuri felt Viktor’s fingers knead away all the tension screaming in his muscles. 

Slowly Yuuri’s grip on the sheets loosened bit by bit and Yuuri exhaled a steady rhythm through his breaths.

“There we go, that’s better,” Viktor encouraged as he worked his way down to Yuuri’s lower back, then his sore legs and feet.

As Viktor kept massaging the soreness and pain away, Yuuri began to feel more comfortable in his mind. After a few minutes he decided to open up a bit more.

“Viktor.”

“Yes, my Yuuri?”

“I...want to talk to you about my anxiety…” Yuuri finally confesses. “I can’t tell you all of it, but I could probably manage to tell you part of it at least.” Enough that perhaps Viktor could meet him halfway.

Viktor’s hands pause for a moment, but continues to massage again as Viktor nods in response waiting for Yuuri to continue.

“My anxiety...I’ve been dealing with it for years, and while this isn’t the worst it’s been, it’s still hard,” Yuuri starts to just let the words tumble out, like dropping toys out of a box when he was a kid. “Well it’s more than hard, it’s just...it’s not something that can be easily fixed.”

“I feel broken a lot...but it’s kinda like I don’t even have the right tools or missing parts to fix myself. I feel like I can’t be fixed even though I know there is probably a way out of this...I just haven’t found it yet.”

Viktor starts to massage Yuuri slower as he’s listening, not wanting to miss a single word.

“Sometimes it makes it hard to breath, which is why I panic a lot,” Yuuri continues. “It’s like I’m underwater and I’m drowning and I can’t get to the surface. My doubts drag me down like an anchor and no matter how hard I try to scream or cry out, no one hears me.”

“I don’t have a lot of confidence in myself either. Celestino tried to help me improve on that back in Detroit, but I wasn’t able to open up enough to people back then besides Phichit. Even then, I kept a lot of my thoughts to myself.”

“When I look at a mirror in the mornings, it’s like I can see all my flaws, all the mistakes I’ve made in life and in skating. I don’t really understand why, but I look at myself and…” Yuuri stopped as he felt wet tears prick his eyes. 

He couldn’t wipe them away immediately because his arms were laid by his sides as he was on his stomach. Yuuri knew Viktor would see, but he tried hiding him anyway by rubbing his face on the sheets.

Viktor stopped massaging him then and moved to lie down next to him, cradling Yuuri in his arms and kissing the top of his head. Yuuri buried his face in Viktor’s chest, trying to stop any more tears from falling, but a few slipped out onto Viktor’s shirt. Yuuri’s body started to shake a little and Viktor rubbed his hands gently up and down Yuuri’s back.

“Oh Yuuri...I’m so sorry you have to go through this,” Viktor finally spoke up again in a quiet whisper. “I wish...I wish I knew what I could do better for you.”

Yuuri shook his head against Viktor’s chest. “You already do more than enough for me.”

“Did it help at least? Talking about it I mean,” Viktor asked with a bit of uncertainty, moving a bit back enough to look Yuuri in the eye. “I know I’m no therapist or even a fully qualified coach, but I do care a lot about you, Yuuri.”

Yuuri managed a small smile. “Yes, I feel a bit lighter now.”

Not completely fixed, but not as broken anymore.

Yuuri wasn’t going to find the answer right away to remove his anxiety completely.

But he at least had someone in his life now who was willing to help him get better day by day with each progress that he makes.

Yuuri’s world was beginning to shine a little brighter after being joined with Viktor’s world.

**Author's Note:**

> So it's 2am and I'm writing hurt/comfort victuuri xD
> 
> I struggle with Anxiety/Panic attacks for years. One of the hardest things for me to do is to talk about my anxiety with my fiance, who doesn't understand what it's like to go through such emotions, but still loves me either way and wants to help. There's no easy quick fix, and we misunderstand each other a lot due to things said whenever I'm anxious. But it sort of helps to try and talk it out little by little, even if it's just to get it off my chest.


End file.
